Where do I even begin this post? I absolutely love being a Mom. My son Liam is one of the greatest blessings in my life. After praying for him for two years my husband and I were beyond ecstatic to find out we were pregnant. I think for people who have to “try” to get pregnant and endure months or years of waiting, have a special appreciation for our children. I am one of those annoying Moms who loved every moment of pregnancy and after. The second I laid eyes on him I was head over heels IN LOVE. Of course, I have my pulling out my hair days but for the most part I just love love love this time in my life. So naturally we would like to have more children.
Pretty much the second Liam was born people began to ask “So when are you gonna have another one?” In my head I would have loved to have another baby right away. Ha ha yeah… God had other plans for us. We began trying to have another baby when Liam was about a year and half. Months became years.
Well meaning people always have plenty of advice to offer. Some good, some bad, some just weird and awkward. Here’s a little snippet of some of the advice we have gotten over the years…
“So when are you going to make Liam a Big Brother? He deserves to be a big brother you know.”
“Why do you guys only have one?”
“Just drink more wine!”
“Oh you only have one? You don’t even know the meaning of happiness until you see your kids playing together”
“Stop trying so hard, it will happen when your not trying.”
“Have you thought of In vitro?”
“You should adopt.”
“Just relax!”“Stop trying.”
Once, someone asked us if we were planning on having any more and we didn’t feel like explaining what we were going through and just politely replied:
“Well we are praying for more children”
“Well you can do more than pray about it hahaha!”
My husband and I had every test ran you can think of and the doctors could not find anything “wrong”.
Next came the miscarriages…..
I don’t understand.
I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it. All of that time waiting and praying and finally getting pregnant only for the whole journey end abruptly? Not getting pregnant was one thing, but to get pregnant and then have my babies taken away was a whole new ball game. My mind sometimes races thinking of what they would have looked like, and who they would have become, holding their tiny hands for the first time and kissing their cheeks. I know though, as much as it hurts, it was never the Lords plan for them to be on this earth.
The days and weeks after each loss are probably the darkest of my life. I was so sad, angry, hurt, confused. One day I was praying and crying out to God asking him “why?” and suddenly I felt the Lord ask me. “Do you really trust me?”
This is the God that created EVERYTHING. The God that holds this ball of water we live on suspended in space just far enough from the sun where we wont burn but close enough where we won’t freeze. He controls the creation of every human life, every animal life, every plant, every insect, the weather, and the oceans. Each breath we take is because He lets us! Of course He’s in control of my little life. Of course he is in control of my babies lives.
It’s in these moments I had to admit I was trying to control every detail of my life and even though things weren’t turning out the way I had planned them, God was and is still good. God is still fair. His plans are perfect. Mine are not. It still hurts though and in my dark moments I need to press into Him like never before and ask for comfort and peace that only He can provide.
The Bible says in Romans 8:28 – And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
All things folks. Not just some. Not just what we see as good or part of the plan. ALL. Sometimes we just need to take a step back and take inventory on who’s running the show. We come up with these preconceived notions on how exactly our lives should play out, then often God reminds us that we are not the Sovereign All Powerful Creator of the Universe. Oh yeah! How often we forget. Or at least I do.
God did not promise that we would have children. God did not promise an easy life for any of us. In fact He said we Christians WOULD have trouble.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33
God promises that if we follow Jesus He would take our burdens from us.
Are we making having children our source of happiness? God has made it abundantly clear He wants to be our source of happiness. That we need to find our identity and fulfillment in Him alone. He wants us to love Him with all of our hearts and all of our souls. So even though children are definitely a huge blessing and are the “fruit of the womb”, God wants us to love him even more than them. He wants us to put our relationship HIGH above everything else in our lives.
We need to make Jesus our reward.
We need to make Him our treasure. I strongly disagree with the wide spread notion that the only way we can experience true and lasting joy is by having children. It’s not true friends, no matter what happens in this life we can have an everlasting joy, and that is found only in our Lord and Savior.
The peace Jesus gives can be the fruit of an empty womb.
His peace can be the fruit for mourning parents. His peace can be the fruit of any problem any of His children are facing when they place their trust in Him fully and make Him their joy. The joy of the Lord is our Strength! Nehemiah 8:10. Yes we can truly have joy, peace, and happiness, in the midst of the most difficult situations. Its amazing that our God cares for us so deeply that He gives us this wonderful gift.
Isaiah 55:9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
So are you also are struggling with this issue? I have met so many amazingly loving couples going through it. Or maybe it’s not this particular battle but something else?
My advice Sisters and Brothers: Press on.
Find complete contentment in the Lord and never ever ever ever EVER give up faith that He has a perfect plan for your life!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
God’s plans may just not look like what we had in mind, or on our time frame. We can always have hope though. God is always faithful, He is trustworthy. We can absolutely trust Him with our lives and the lives of our families. He truly knows what best.
So instead of asking ourselves “Why me?” we should add “Why me God? How do you want use me through this? How can I use this situation to glorify you? Is there anything going on in my life or in my heart that is not pleasing in your sight? If so, please remove it Lord. Is there anyone else I can help through this season?”
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
We need to put God first friends, and let Him figure out the rest.
We as children of God, are His. He loves us We can absolutely trust Him. I am not sure what God has planned for this little family of ours or for yours, but I know it’s going to be adventure. I am excited to see what He has in store for us.
Let’s press on friends.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.